The Vaatissimo Rebellion

The Vaatisimo Rebellion is widely appreciated as the most catastrophic event in Avalanchian history since the emergence of the Evil League of Evil in the Epic Fight of Epicness following SnakeInABox's underground publication of The Great Avalanchian War. Prompted by the kidnapping of King Avalanche just prior to his planned wedding to Prime Minister Raya Kaiserin, this war would tear the kingdom asunder before its end.

The Great Wedding Crash
In a moment that will live in infamy, The Royal Wedding was interrupted as the Bug of the Year 2000 arrived with a distress call from none other than the great King Avalanche, announcing that the groom-to-be had been kidnapped. Accusations mounted against the Evil League of Evil, the more obvious culprits in the kidnapping. Official law was made that all ELoE members be found and punished, despite the fact that no real evidence was found other than a few shitty photos of a bunch of posers in costumes. Aghast, SnakeInABox the Evil Totally Benevolent took matters into his own hands, disbanding the treaty that held the hopes of the nation, unifying the Evil League of Evil and the Kingdom of Avalanchia, declaring eternal war against the Avalanchians. Raya assumed powers as Acting Queen, and the stage was set for a cataclysm of epic proportions.

The Hunt for the King
Raya Kaiserin, now equipped with a green hat and suspenders, immediately decreed that the members of the Evil League of Evil be hunted down and exterminated, and that Snake be brought to her personally, alive if possible. She left to attempt to retrieve Avalanche the classic way. Ansem and Minby each suited up and began their own searches. The superhero Quaetman left his duty as escort to the Queen in order to bring Snake to justice. DRTJR led the military in a sweep of Avalanchian cities in search for the traitors. SnakeInABox then arrived and reacted in indignation, leading the Evil League of Evil in betrayal of Avalanchia once more, offended deeply by the admittedly logic-based accusations levelled at him from all directions. SIAB left the Avalanchian public in disarray, vowing to kidnap the lost monarch for his own gain. Quaetman immediately shifted his focus to apprehending SnakeInABox, and putting a stop to his attempted rebellion, as negotiations between Raya and SnakeInABox quickly broke down, and the military continued its purge of Avalanchian rebels elsewhere.

The Avalanchian Purge
As SnakeInABox refused to cooperate, the old members of the League rallied together at a newly constructed underground bunker, framing the benevolent King Avalanche for the goings-on. Threatened by death and castration by Acting Queen Raya, SnakeInABox quickly revealed his trump card, attempting to set off a nuclear explosion in Avalanchia City. However, the Horsemen and the Ministry of Intelligence remained a step ahead of him, blocking the blast with a shield made entirely of Viero clones. Even as the deadly green-spectrum radiation produced by the billions of Viero clones descended upon Avalanchia city, DRTJR 's sweep had taken a violent turn as the Avalanchian military razed the city of CityInABox, and destroying the estates of Minister Viero and Former Minister Fedaykin. Fedaykin responded by attempting to poison the army's liquor supply in a vain attempt to stop the military purge, but superhero Quaetman captured the former Minister of Alcohol for interrogation.

The Vaatissimo Revolt
As the army continued its path of destruction, razing the mansion of TheTJ and slaughtering the entire mudwrestling squad/acting troupe as well as going insofar as to chemically purge the nation's beloved mudkip and squirtle preserve with toxic waste, its actions drew criticism from even the most stalwart Avalanchians. SnakeInABox himself laughed as Avalanche's Fist, the great army of Avalanchia, did more damage to the great nation than the Evil League ever could. Immediately following the interrogation of his suspect, The Evil League attempted to kidnap Quaetman himself, but the hero was able to escape unharmed due to his power of teleportation. It was then, in Quaetman's brief absence and in the nation's state of total disarray, that the real mastermind behind the day's events chose to act. DRTJR, faced with criticism from both apparent sides, spoke up, haughtily declaring himself the Supreme Overlord of Avalanchia, and the true kidnapper of the great King Avalanche, revealing that his true plan was to turn the Avalanchians and Evil League of Evil against each other once more. DRTJR set off timed nuclear explosives in several ministries, and activated a powerful energy barrier around Triforce Island.

Stalemate
Quaetman arrived from his brief captivity to see a nation in peril, and in a moment of clarity gathered as much of the timed explosives as possible, dumping them on Triforce Island. The explosion that ensued didn't even scratch the energy barrier, nor did his famous laser vision. Quaetman, Minby and various members of the Evil League of Evil stood perplexed at the stalemate that had ensued, attempting to find ways to emerge victorious in the seemingly inevitable war of attrition against the Vaatisimos. DRTJR then revealed his next plan, unleashing hordes of commandeered robots upon the unwitting Avalanchian remnants. SnakeInABox, recognizing the peril that the ELoE faced alongside their longtime Avalanchian foes, offered the remaining Avalanchian Ministers sanctuary in his underground hideout. It was then, as Quaetman stood guard outside the great shield surrounding Triforce Island, as Minby helped the remaining Avalanchian brass retreated deep into the stronghold of their former enemies, that Ansem approached, in his epic badassery leading an army of LARPers, out to avenge their deaths. Viero produced an army of clones out of his remaining cloning vats, and stood at attention as well. The world sat on the brink of the greatest military operation in Avalanchian history, prepared to face down the robots of the Vaatissimo Usurper.

Prelude to Armageddon
As the great armies prepared to face off, King Avalanche himself arrived, having been trapped in Avalanchis, the once-utopian underwater kingdom, bloodied but recovering due to the nanobots placed in his blood by td260 earlier that week. Avalanche proceeded to sit on his throne, denouncing the various rebellions and offering all a chance to rebuild in peace. DRTJR, seeing an apparent opportunity, sent Bravo Squad out of the barrier in an attempt to eradicate the King. Quaetman thwarted the assault, incapacitating the entire Bravo team in the process. DRTJR, his original plans thwarted, at last spoke up:

"Do you want to know why i did this don't you at one time I was second in command then other where given spots above me I was Tired of being over looked when i was in that chapel their was only me and the priest none of you came. Why am I never given my just rewards when Everybody else is getting the menu i get your table scarps. the Military is loyal to the right man ME! I am DRTJR, Prepare for Avalanchia to go the way of the dodo bird...INTO NUCLEAR FIRE"

The Vaatissimo Leader prepared to launch a nuclear rain upon the remaining Avalanchians, in a moment of sheer power that rained fear upon the commoners. The Horsemen hurriedly helped in the construction of an anti-radiation barrier around Avalanche's palace. As the survivors of the previous clash panicked in disarray, the Horsemen sprung into action. Minister of Intelligence Minby Aran created a portal between the palace and the ELoE hideout. Minister of Truth Weldar pressed a conveniently placed red button, activating a party sequence amongst the refugees that came to be naught but an irony as the world seemed to fall apart around them.

Last Second Salvation
As all seemed lost and the sky was lit with the ignition of DRTJR 's vast reserve of nuclear explosives, as the Avalanchians and Evil League of Evil Members struggled to reach safety before zero hour arrived, as Ministers Minby and Camilla shouted pleads at the protected DRTJR and Vaatissimo Rebels, one man, one who had done little over the course of the conflict, arrived. Standing on a precipice overlooking Triforce Island, the Negotiator Quaetam spoke:

''"Attention, those of the Vaatissimo Rebellion. The end is nigh. I give you one chance to repent, and to save us all. The nuclear fires you promise us will bring naught but destruction upon yourselves. Even if you are to somehow defeat the great Avalanchia, what would come of the puny Triforce Island? There is no purpose in ruling over nothing. DRTJR promises us oblivion yet ignores its inevitability on your own front. You will be the last ones alive, but I assure you that your lives themselves will be but ephemeral specks in the coming nuclear winter. That shield will not last forever, and when it goes down, each of you will die a painful death, one beyond imagination, one brought on by the very holocaust you seek to employ. How many of you wish to doom yourselves to the darkness that painful darkness, that numbing oblivion? This isn't war: it is a case of mutually assured destruction. This is madness. Talk with us, that we may at last achieve the peace Avalanchia has missed so sorely these past months. ' Call off the bombs, for all our sake."

Seeing the truth in those epic words, DRTJR halted the apocalypse, and agreed to surrender should the Avalanchians grant him and his followers full amnesty, allow him to censor all the kingdom's publications, and place himself third in line for the throne. The Minister of Intelligence added to the conditions of surrender, stating that DRTJR and the former Vaatissimos must assist in restoration of the country, respect the Ministries' privacies, and be placed fourth, not third, with Avalanche's true heir and child to be the real next in line to the throne. The Negotiator, recognizing the need for a failsafe (as presented by Evil League member Fedaykin), amended the original demands, granting full amnesty with observation so that the great Avalanchian Army can be kept in check in the future, creating instead an unbiased Bureau of Censorship designed to filter all publications themselves, and allow Ansem to assume the duties of Acting King should the King and Queen perish. The Evil League was officially recognized as Avalanchia's one true enemy, and reunited at last the Avalanchians began the long process of rebuilding.